182 replies to this topic

[1984mini25]

Im sorry dude, I really am but I am going to hit you over the head with something heavy...

If your going to do that do you mind if you hit me in the same spot I got waked by a work colleague with a metal scaffold pole (long story, not nice and I’m not going into) it might just knock the bump back in Lol

[Deathrow]

Bit of a moan coming!

Had nothing planned for tonight, you know Saturday night, nevermind the fact it's the Saturday night before Christmas! So I grab my phone and I text all my friends to see what they're up to this evening in the hope I can arrange for us all to go out and have a good night, which would be fantastic.

I wait, and wait, and wait and wait. Eventually I get one response, from probably my longest known childhood friend, who I've been really close with since I was born basically. What's she doing? She's going around town, with my ex, which is what she does every other Saturday anyway. So the oppertunity where I can come around town with her for a change and she's with my ex, lovely.

The only other two people that reply are friends from Uni, one of which is out at a Christmas do getting merry like everyone should be this time of year, the other doesn't have anything on but unfortunatly lives a good 2 hours or so away.

I can't help but feel that when she broke up with me she also took all my friends with her as well. Which I could possibly understand, just if I'd done something horrendous like cheated on her or strangled her cat, but I didn't so what the hell? Do people just assume she's the victim because she's a girl?

No one has actually said anything about the situation, they just never make an effort to see me anymore and when I make an effort to see them, they make excuses like being busy and say we'll organize another time to do it and then they never get back in touch. I really can't help but feel there really is nothing left for me in Lancaster anymore. I've no idea what I'm going to do when I finish Uni. I'm not the type of person that's strong minded enough to just up and move to a strange place .

Right I'm done. I might try and get some sleep now.

Edited by Deathrow, 20 December 2009 - 01:40 AM.

[LuckyThe1275]

In real life it's more like "Woah, she's really pretty, she could get the attention of any guy in here, why would she want to talk to me?" so I don't bother.

Now, i've only read the first 60 posts, and someone may have picked up on this later, but this jumped out as I read.

This is one of your biggest problems! I know how you feel. In the middle couple of years at secondary school I used to get teased by a couple of older kids on a daily basis, and while I should have just shrugged it off, it made me really self concious, and a bit shy. Online, and via text I come across as quite confident with girls, but in person, i'm pretty shy, due to this I believe. Now, the last 2 years of secondary school were better, I started to feel like I fitted in better, people weren't looking at me, and thinking things I presumed they'd be thinking, and I became more confident again. I knew it was still there, as I could meet new people away from anyone that already knew me, and although be a little shy, slowly I could use some charm, be friendly, and helpful, caring and kind, give advice, listen etc, and could get the odd girl to like me. Now in college, i'm still a little shy, and don't fit in with the "popular people cool crowd" easily, but I have gone up and chatted to girls in the year above, and made some good friends, and theres a particular girl I really like. If i hadn't gone up and spoken to her, I wouldn't have become friends with her, and I wouldn't have a chance of ever being with her at all!

You just need to be confident, but not overly, some people use confidence to mask something underneath, and that can make you look arrogant! But you'll gain confidence by trying with girls, you've got nothing to loose, and you'll come across some girls where it is appart they like you, which will make you feel more confident, and you'll approach more girls, and get better at it.

She might be able to get the attention of any guy in the room, but give her your attention, chances are, if you're anything like me, you're a way nicer guy underneath the confidence problems and shyness than the posey popular c0cks those girls normally attract, and they'll see it! I've been told by some girls of that type who I thought would never have an interest in me that "these guys are such dicks, just want a shag etc" etc. - Turns out these girls normally attract the wrong type of guy, the type of guy they don't actually want, the type of guy you think they do want!

Perfect example is a girl i'm talking to alot at the moment, originally just for fun really, who I thought was just one of these complete "orange hot girl barbie doll" types, she's even a year and a half older than me, but seems to really like me, and unlike I thought, is interested in me, and not the "poser popular c0ck" guy types, and is just tired of them, whose attention she always seems to attract. Basically she just needs a make under, as underneath she's a lovely girl, not a *woman of ill repute* like I originally thought!

You don't even need to approach the "hot girl" like this one (anyway, she approached me!) - the non-orange girls who don't require a make-under normally have much nicer personalities, are they type you want to spend time with/have a relationship with, not just spend the night with, and are more likely to be interested in you that the poser popular guy, who just wants to spend the night with the "hot girl". Pretty much why I was surprised the girl in the paragraph above is like she is underneath the clubbing clothes and make-up!

That last paragraph or two is a complete ramble, but I hope you understand what I mean? Confidence in your appearance will also help, so you seem to be doing the right things Adam

Also, I hope I don't sound arrogant in this... I'm really not, I have confidence issues big time, but i'm working them out, and I think i'm almost there! Courage to go an speak to the girl who you think isn't interested in you in the slightest helps. You have nothing to loose, and if she likes you, confidence boost, and a better chance with the next girl you try

Matt

Edited by LuckyThe1275, 21 December 2009 - 06:03 PM.

[Deathrow]

In real life it's more like "Woah, she's really pretty, she could get the attention of any guy in here, why would she want to talk to me?" so I don't bother.

Now, i've only read the first 60 posts, and someone may have picked up on this later, but this jumped out as I read.

This is one of your biggest problems! I know how you feel. In the middle couple of years at secondary school I used to get teased by a couple of older kids on a daily basis, and while I should have just shrugged it off, it made me really self concious, and a bit shy. Online, and via text I come across as quite confident with girls, but in person, i'm pretty shy, due to this I believe. Now, the last 2 years of secondary school were better, I started to feel like I fitted in better, people weren't looking at me, and thinking things I presumed they'd be thinking, and I became more confident again. I knew it was still there, as I could meet new people away from anyone that already knew me, and although be a little shy, slowly I could use some charm, be friendly, and helpful, caring and kind, give advice, listen etc, and could get the odd girl to like me. Now in college, i'm still a little shy, and don't fit in with the "popular people cool crowd" easily, but I have gone up and chatted to girls in the year above, and made some good friends, and theres a particular girl I really like. If i hadn't gone up and spoken to her, I wouldn't have become friends with her, and I wouldn't have a chance of ever being with her at all!

You just need to be confident, but not overly, some people use confidence to mask something underneath, and that can make you look arrogant! But you'll gain confidence by trying with girls, you've got nothing to loose, and you'll come across some girls where it is appart they like you, which will make you feel more confident, and you'll approach more girls, and get better at it.

She might be able to get the attention of any guy in the room, but give her your attention, chances are, if you're anything like me, you're a way nicer guy underneath the confidence problems and shyness than the posey popular c0cks those girls normally attract, and they'll see it! I've been told by some girls of that type who I thought would never have an interest in me that "these guys are such dicks, just want a shag etc" etc. - Turns out these girls normally attract the wrong type of guy, the type of guy they don't actually want, the type of guy you think they do want!

Perfect example is a girl i'm talking to alot at the moment, originally just for fun really, who I thought was just one of these complete "orange hot girl barbie doll" types, she's even a year and a half older than me, but seems to really like me, and unlike I thought, is interested in me, and not the "poser popular c0ck" guy types, and is just tired of them, whose attention she always seems to attract. Basically she just needs a make under, as underneath she's a lovely girl, not a *woman of ill repute* like I originally thought!

You don't even need to approach the "hot girl" like this one (anyway, she approached me!) - the non-orange girls who don't require a make-under normally have much nicer personalities, are they type you want to spend time with/have a relationship with, not just spend the night with, and are more likely to be interested in you that the poser popular guy, who just wants to spend the night with the "hot girl". Pretty much why I was surprised the girl in the paragraph above is like she is underneath the clubbing clothes and make-up!

That last paragraph or two is a complete ramble, but I hope you understand what I mean? Confidence in your appearance will also help, so you seem to be doing the right things Adam

Also, I hope I don't sound arrogant in this... I'm really not, I have confidence issues big time, but i'm working them out, and I think i'm almost there! Courage to go an speak to the girl who you think isn't interested in you in the slightest helps. You have nothing to loose, and if she likes you, confidence boost, and a better chance with the next girl you try

Matt

Cheers for that Matt, I feel bad that I probably won't be able to write anywhere near that much in a response but I'll do my best.

I guess mainly I'm hoping that you are right about girls being able to tell the guys who want a relationship and the guys who just want a quick one and to be off.

I don't normally go for the types that as you put it, need a "make under". I usually seem to be attracted to more... I don't even know how to describe it, an everyday girl. But the issue is, if I look at a girl and I find her attractive, that's when the issue starts with the not having the stones to talk to her. I could approach the same girl and if I didn't find her attractive I'd probably be able to put myself in a joking mood and say hello.

I guess I've alot of work to do haha.

With regards to the physical appearance, I am hoping that once I am happier with my own appearance (weight issues mainly, I do actually already have a fair bit of muscle definition, it's just very well hidden at the moment) that this will reflect in an increase in confidence so that I feel I can go and speak to people I like in a club or what not, which in turn should improve my confidence as a whole.

If the scales are to be believed the things I'm doing to improve my appearance appear to be working, but it has only been a week.

[Mr Bean`s othe mini]

thats not right lol x

[Deathrow]

thats not right lol x

What're you referring to .

[LuckyThe1275]

Cheers for that Matt, I feel bad that I probably won't be able to write anywhere near that much in a response but I'll do my best.

I guess mainly I'm hoping that you are right about girls being able to tell the guys who want a relationship and the guys who just want a quick one and to be off.

The girl who you think could get any guy in the room, and wouldn't be interested in you can tell i'm sure, just go and give it a shot next time

I don't normally go for the types that as you put it, need a "make under". I usually seem to be attracted to more... I don't even know how to describe it, an everyday girl. But the issue is, if I look at a girl and I find her attractive, that's when the issue starts with the not having the stones to talk to her. I could approach the same girl and if I didn't find her attractive I'd probably be able to put myself in a joking mood and say hello.

No, I don't either, was just a good example. I would never have thought this girl would have been interested in me, even with improved confidence compared to 2 years ago! While I thought she was that make-under-required type, I gave it a shot anyway, as I was surprised she was interested, and turns out, she's absolutely lovely!

If i'd have been like I was 6 months ago I would have thought she was trying to humour me or something, and ignored her, or made an excuse, thinking she was "that type" and therefore not looking for someone like me, after a relationship, not a night. Turns out, she's sick of the type of guys who just want a good night, and I think alot of the girls you think wouldn't be interested in you, and could get the attention of any guy are often they same. They get attention, but most probably not the attention they want. If you see what I mean?

I think the attractive thing is to do with how you view your appearance maybe? You think as she is attractive, she wouldn't be interested in you, so get nervous? Don't think I made it clear enough in my last post, but I was the same a few months ago, but after just giving it a shot when I got the opportunity, and a few successes, I imagine you'll feel way better about yourself as I did, making it easier next time. When I was told by this girl 2 years older than me that I was "gorgeous" and a "genuine, lovely guy" I felt so much better about myself, but if I hadn't had had the guts to actually talk to her, and like I said before, thought like I used to, thinking she was just trying to humour me, I wouldn't have got the compliment, wouldn't have felt better about myself, giving me a litle more confidence for the next time I was in that sort of situation

With regards to the physical appearance, I am hoping that once I am happier with my own appearance (weight issues mainly, I do actually already have a fair bit of muscle definition, it's just very well hidden at the moment) that this will reflect in an increase in confidence so that I feel I can go and speak to people I like in a club or what not, which in turn should improve my confidence as a whole.

Yeah i'm sure it will help. A few compliments along the way will give you more motivation, and some more confidence, and the only way is up from there

If the scales are to be believed the things I'm doing to improve my appearance appear to be working, but it has only been a week.

Keep it up!

[Deathrow]

Cheers for that Matt .

I will try and get up the courage to have a chat with someone next time I'm out in town with my Uni lot. Fingers crossed whoever I pick will be nice and at minimum, not do any damage to what little confidence I do have. I might have a look online for some confidence building exercises, there must be some.

[1984mini25]

Reading that alone, I'm sorry to say mate but you had a good escape me thinks.

Ah... Well...

In hindsight (yep that bugger) I might have done something slightly stupid… I met back up with her briefly while she was signing on and doing a bit of shopping up the city.

At the mo I’m taking everything she has said at face value, but before I start I think it’s pretty clear between us were not jumping into bed together anytime soon.

Right basically, her dad knew he was on last legs and wouldn’t last much longer, but failed to tell anyone about it. “According” to the will everything money and house wise has been left to her 16 year old sister, leaving her with nothing and nowhere to live. But as she is only 16, the ex still has to pay for her upkeep until she turns 21 by her dad’s wishes. How true that is I don’t know?

She crashed the mini while out driving alone, so that’s off the road and the insurance has also run out.

She did finally admit she was cheating on me after I tired her up in knots and backed her into corner with her own lies. But she still had strong feelings for me, hence why she kept wanting to see me, staying over all the time, going out for meals, drinks, shows etc. And the only reasons why she was still running off back to him was, there were things she couldn’t tell me???? Him being ex military and the fact she still felt sorry for him being left in a flat with no way of paying the bills. So she was sneaking off there every time she got paid and was paying his bills and looking after him.

She did also say that ”we” were never really together, I didn’t quite get what she meant on that one and couldn’t get a straight answer. Although I did notice she still had a ring on...

But than saying all that, she didn’t appear to be all there mentally, kind of to be expected if it was all true and what with her just having to lay to rest her dad. I don’t know if by me turning up and giving her a hug (to make me feel better) instead of me turning up in a shitty mood ready for a fight, and with me being calm, caring and a shoulder to cry on confused her?

Yes I do feel sorry for her, but that’s just me. She did also admit that she has realised she’s been a complete *woman of ill repute* and not just to me, but in a strange way has got more than what she deserved as payback.

But that was as about as much as I could get out of her before having to part ways, she did seam rather keen on meeting up sometime properly for a drink and a proper more in depth chat.

But the one big thing I will say is I feel 100 times better in myself for seeing her again, there’s still feelings there for her from me, but in no way like there used to be.

The only thing that has shaken me up since was a phone call i received from her informing me that if she doesn’t come back from Afghanistan (she still wanting to go regardless) in the New Year I’m entitled to everything.

I have since received a phone call informing me that the mini has been registered off the road (I can’t remember the full reg only D*** GWD to check) and that our “relationship” needs to be put on hold till she gets back. I have also since had no further contact from her.
But I don’t need to, I’ve already come to the conclusion it’s all *cow poo*.

Couple of points, she met at a location away from the house and when she was going to be alone and has only called me when alone when out going off down the local shops, “Apparently” there’s to many people around the house to earwig.

When I was with her while she was doing her shopping, she stuck her hand out so I would notice while (faking) trying to think of something, which just happened to be coffee, something she can’t stand and won’t drink.

I guessing this was done deliberately as so i would notice the ring, which was different to the old one, i had be catching her wearing.

She forgot her points card thing at the till and the postcode she gave was for her dad’s old place, only the name that the person on the till called out was her ex’s surname.
Bit odd, at which point she got shitty and tried to cover it saying she had nicked his ex’s old card. So her other half’s ex used to live in her dad’s old house, like *melon*.

And as for the last two calls, as for her leaving me everything, unless I’m down as next of kin or something it’s extremely unlikely that in the even of such a thing happening I will ever find out about it.

And to put the relationship on hold till she gets back, what *melonsing* relationship, she said it “we” were never really together to start with.

Na, I’ve pretty much come to the concussion that she has probably now married this old fart, now going round under two names, and moved him in, hence not being ale to go past the house or meet/call when she’s in.

She had better *melonsing* hope she isn’t lying about going to Afghanistan, as if I ever see the *woman of ill repute* again she will whish she had have done and I might end up doing something I latter regret (bloody won’t).

[miniman86]

"you'll meet someone when you stop looking for them", "you'll find someone when you least expect it" etc etc etc

that is so true, i met my missus on here 2 years ago march coming, we kinda hit it off, wasnt looking for anyone (i was in a bad relationship at the time) & she needed a friend to go to mini shows with lol. she was my shoulder to cry on when my relationship went tits up & now just over a year of being together we are engaged & living together, who would of thought it lol!!
Alex

[davidv]

You will find a good Women its hard at christmas if you do not have one to share it with . they always like a man who can make them smile and trust you more .

[Black.Ghost]

1984Mini - I really hope this is the end for you and you are going to forget about the tramp and have a good Christmas.

Deathrow - chill out dude. I know you want to be and are happier in a relationship, but just chill out. Like has been said, you will find the right one when you least expect it.

[1984mini25]

1984Mini - I really hope this is the end for you and you are going to forget about the tramp and have a good Christmas.

Yep it is now, if it isn't i will personally shoot the *woman of ill repute*. Just a shame really as if it wasn’t for the cheating and lying, everything else between us was great.

Anyways, New Year, fresh start and everything...

[Deathrow]

1984Mini - I really hope this is the end for you and you are going to forget about the tramp and have a good Christmas.

Deathrow - chill out dude. I know you want to be and are happier in a relationship, but just chill out. Like has been said, you will find the right one when you least expect it.

I am chilled. At the end of the day, other than what I'm doing by trying to make me happy with myself there isn't anything else I can do.

But at the same time, I don't see why I can't wonder why girls work the way they do, without being chilled . I think you are right though, when I stop looking, I'll meet someone else. At this moment in time I wish my ex would just get out of my life entirely. Not something I can control, though.

Davidv, you're right, this is the worst time of the year to be single. I've only had a girlfriend over the Christmas period once and even then she was away from home. I imagine it must be nice to be all cozy indoors with the other half when "the weather outside is frightful".

Edited by Deathrow, 23 December 2009 - 10:54 PM.

[TashHaggertay]

1984Mini - I really hope this is the end for you and you are going to forget about the tramp and have a good Christmas.

Yep it is now, if it isn't i will personally shoot the *woman of ill repute*. Just a shame really as if it wasn’t for the cheating and lying, everything else between us was great.

Anyways, New Year, fresh start and everything...

really glad to hear that, honestly she sounds like she's a compulsive liar and it would've only got worse! i wish you loads of luck for 2010 you sound like you really deserve it!
x