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[Scallywag630]

I came out of the chip shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A (enter any person here) sitting there said “I've not eaten for two days.”
I told him/her “I wish I had your will power.”

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells.
Apparently my answer was politically incorrect!!!


A (generously proportioned person) served me in McDonald's at lunch time today. He/She said “Sorry
about the wait.”
I said “Don't worry, you might lose it eventually.”

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting 8
inches tonight. I thought to myself she’d be lucky.

A boy (from a land which grows a lot of potatoes) stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks him
“What's wrong?” The boy says “Me ma is dead”.
“Oh bejaysus” the man says “Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for
you ?”
The boy replies “No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at
the moment.”

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now (enter your choice of nationality/religon here), I've found that a bacon sandwich works better !

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a
photograph of a person with (guess the gender here) mouth shut.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and
think to yourself ....... I'm going to have that.

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over (a land that grows a lot of potatoes) . He looks down and sees
a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him “Where am I ?”
The native farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You can't fool me,
you're in that basket up there."

I had a Trivia competition in the bag until the very last question
....... which I got wrong.
The question was ‘Where do people have the curliest hair ?’ Apparently
the correct answer was Fiji .

A (enter the gender of the person here) has a medical at the Doctors; “You are weight challenged” he
says.
”I want a 2nd opinion.” He/she exclaimed.
”OK - you're unattractive as well.”

[xrocketengineer]

It is even funnier than before!