First let me tell you how my day has gone today to give you an idea of what the problem may be... Before I proceed, I'll just say that I knew my engine oil was low (oil leak) but didn't know it was empty. I normally get paid on Fridays but because of this Christmas/new year period I only got paid today as opposed to last week. I had no money to buy oil last week.

So! I have an 18 mile commute to work via the motorway. That's one way. This morning on my commute I heard a knocking noise about 8 miles from home. I was well onto the M3 by this time. It was just a faint knocking noise and I knew I needed to put some oil in so because it was only a faint noise, I thought it would be fine until I get paid later today and I can go buy some oil from Halfords (I get paid about 1pm).
Then as I was driving along I noticed my speed was dropping. I was on flat, level ground so thought that this was odd. Combined with the knocking noise I decided to pull onto the hard shoulder. Had a look under the bonnet and saw some faint smoke or steam coming from the vent hole in the oil filler cap. I noticed the same when I pulled the dipstick out. Twisting the oil filler cap off I noticed quite a large build up of 'mayo'. I used to have mayo on my 2 mile commute to work - which I could understand - but this is a lot further so my chances of mayo occuring should be much lessened. This confounded me.
Pulled the dipstick out, wiped it dry, dipped it, pulled it out and it was still dry. Empty. Uh oh. I also noticed some white powdery stuff coming from the breather filter by the rad, as well as some on a black hose leading into the bulkhead beside the rocker cover above the clutch.
I walked a mile to the nearest garage with about £10 in my account. Bought 1L of 5W30 (I think) synthetic oil. Put it in. Drove it forwards a bit and the knocking noise disappeared. "Great!" I thought. Then the noise came back almost after I thought that.

So I called the RAC for the first time ever in my 2 year membership. At first it was gonna be a tow rope jobbie. I asked him if he had any 20W50 in the van but he said it probably won't be worth it if there's a knocking noise. I said I wanted to try anyway. I said the knocking noise went away for a moment when I put 1L of 5W30 in. He said okay and he went into the back of the van. He couldn't find any 20W50 but found 10W40. Close enough. Oil's oil at a time like this. Put it in and drove forwards. No knocking noise. "Fantastic!". The plan was to drive 4 miles to Fleet services all the way up the hard shoulder with the van behind me. Got there with no knocking noise. Not even once. I was in fourth gear reaching about 40 MPH for some of the time, too.
We pulled into the services and I told him it seemed fine. No noise. Then I went on my way to work. Didn't hear any knocking the rest of the 3-4 miles.
Later on my lunch break I drove the car to Halfords which was a 4 mile journey. I heard a faint knocking noise a couple of times. Once near the start and once near the end. Got to Halfords and bought the 20W50 in the green tin and filled the car up to the MAX line then drove back to work. Seemed fine.
Finished work about 4:15 and took a colleague to the train station which is a 3 mile journey. Took him there and car seemed fine. Drove to Halfords 1.4m away and again seemed fine. Then drove onwards to the M3 to Basingstoke. About 9.5 miles in the knocking noise returned. Bugger. Pulled over for an investigation under the bonnet. Saw the same powdery stuff as I saw earlier but the oil was still on the MAX line. So I called the RAC again...
He turned up and took the rocker cover off. I've never delved that far into an engine before so have extremely limited knowledge but he said the springs seemed fine. Not loose. Although he did say one set of springs seemed a teeny tiny bit looser than the rest and I think that was on cylinder 1; closest to the rad. Couldn't fix it at the roadside so towed me home on his A-frame dolly thing.
Got home and he said he should be charging me £10 but he couldn't be arsed.

Something I just remembered: I've been driving my car through puddles left, right and centre lately (love puddles!!!) along bumpy country lanes. I wonder if that's had a bearing on my problems ie water in the cylinders + lack of oil = knocking noise coming from... ?
Unfortunately I won't really be able to look at the car until the weekend. Off to a classic car show tomorrow and then working through daylight hours until Saturday.