37 replies to this topic

[Midas Mk1]

Recently I've been feeling down from the events of the past few years ( very close family members having cancer / passing away ) aswell as not feeling great, and being worried about others.

I've been feeling pretty down and sad, subconsciously being moody to the people I love most, not sleeping well, or not being myself, just doing random stupid things I just wouldn't do normally.
Just basically not myself. Speaking to my cousin, it looked like I was having the symptoms of depression, and so at the end of the week ive visited the doc and a person who specializes in it, who has helped me identified the main cause.

It's causing me to worry about the stupidest of things, really stupid things.  It's also caused to be not myself around others, especially my gf and dad, doing stupid things, and being moody and glum.
It's caused me and my gf to both feel down, and im scared this is drawing us apart, which I really don't want, we need eachother more than ever.


My question is, for people who have had / or know people who have had, what else can be done to try overcome this? Are there any good techniques to overcome it quick?

Edited by Midas Mk1, 01 February 2014 - 08:49 PM.

[jb93]

I can't really offer any advice as such, but I'm always here if you need someone to talk to

[Mini-Mad-Craig]

I think that when you love somebody as you do your girlfriend, that the distance is only something created in your mind. Don't dwell on drifting apart, and you'll find that you'll ultimately end up closer through these experiences.

 

Don't make yourself lonely mate, I'm sure you have lots of great people around you, all dealing with things in their own way, but that doesn't mean you can't help eachother, even if that's just by spending more time together.

 

You always have TMF. You have always come across as a top guy to me and I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say that I'm just a PM or phonecall away.

 

It's a really personal subject and one which is hard to comment on but I really hope things get better for you soon, I know they will, you just have to hold on for now.

 

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

Edited by Mini-Mad-Craig, 01 February 2014 - 09:06 PM.

[lordyoung1980]

Everyone is different when it comes to dealing with this. For me it was important to talk to someone you can trust, they might not have all or any answers but having someone to off load your feelings onto can help a great deal. I hit a low point following a car accident that wasn't my fault but resulted In a fatality. It hit me hard and sucked all the joy out of my hobby and as a result my life. I got angry and depressed and took some time to get back to myself. I was always told to talk and keep talking. It helped me to confront things and tackle them head on. I was also told to look back at happy points in my life and try immerse myself in elements of that time. For me that was my late teens early twenties, so even just listening to music from that time cheered me up no end. But like I said keep talking and try not to give up.

All the best,

Chris.

[SecretSugar]

A lot of people think depression can simply be 'cured' by popping to the doctors and taking some happy pills. I had mild depression when I was younger, which was caused by the death of a very close family member. This particular member was one of the 3 people who carved me out to be the person I am today so it struck me hard losing them. Counselling can help, although a lot of people I know and have known feel this is 'stupid' and can shy away from it. Personally although I didn't feel it helped me completely, it helped me recognise and say out loud things that were subconsciously causing me to be down and depressed, and although the death of my loved one was the main factor, it was all the other little factors that stemmed from it that I didn't know about, that was playing a part also, e.g the worry of my family, how we were going to cope, would we lose our house etc.

 

I found talking to my loved ones and friends helped, so they can listen and support you and sometimes they can help. Trying new things can reignite you, try a new hobby...or go and try an adventure day, something completely different. I did and it was great, I went to Go Ape for the first time, it was fun and exciting and the first time in months I was smiling again...

 

Also a member of my family who got depressed, found the tackling the problem head on what was causing you to be depressed can also help. He managed to pick himself up a few times but then was depressed again months later, he realised the reason (or person in fact) what was causing, was bringing him down. Eventually he tackled the problem head on and got it sorted and things improved. Are you having any problems that may be upsetting you that you don't know about? Work, bills, money problems, car etc.? I got slightly depressed over the last couple of months over my minis because they both had problems and now they are finally getting sorting, I feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and the weight has been lifted.

 

Sorry for it being so long! But hope this helps! :)

Edited by SecretSugar, 01 February 2014 - 09:31 PM.

[stevearch0]

Going through something similar at the moment my friend. My wife of 38 is recovering from breast cancer, whilst having her surgery and chemo she was six months pregnant with our son. We already had three daughters, so while she was i'll, i had to to take care of everything e.g house stuff, shopping, children to school, new baby and work when my wife was having a good day. I took it in my stride as being a father, its my job. It wasnt until 12 months later, i developed all the symptoms you mentioned. Docs said i have depression due to my brain saying its had  had enough. So dont feel alone with it, dont be afraid of confiding in friends or family.

One great help i found is to take time out to do something you enjoy, and stick to it and in time you will start to feel better

I bought a basket case of a mini to restore which some people thought would be better in the scrap yard. 3yrs graft and it will be done this summer. Be positive, and you'll come out the other side. Hope this helps and good luck to you mate

[Rexdidacool]

From a personal point of view, I'm in a similar boat. I've currently got no home, a low paid job, sleeping on my parents sofa, parents are being a 'married couple' (without going into detail), girlfriend is pissed off at me because I'm not talking to her about how I feel.
I've been on citralopram to help with anxiety and that, which can be a fix but ultimately you need to come off pills to get through things properly, which I've not managed.
It's quite fitting that you made this post as I felt very alone and regardless of the fact we've never spoken, it's almost comforting to know you're not the only one.
Talking to 'strangers' helps though so if you want to chat, I can't offer solutions but can comfort, possibly, maybe. Hopefully. :s

[Wise Old Elf]

Yeah I have had it.    It was over 10 years ago but it never goes completely.

Your doc can refer you to a therapist and it really helped me. I could not talk to my friends or family but talking to a stranger does help.

If I had not had a good GP that referred me I would not be here now.

 

For me it helps to say "what is the worse that can happen?" Usually this means other people get upset but tough they will get over it.

[Wise Old Elf]

Ohh by the way when I had my last session with my therapist I said "am I still mental then?" She said "you are as sane as you will ever be". I took that to mean I will always be a nutter 

[stevearch0]

I tend to agree wise old elf, you do have to become....not selfish as such, just think of yourself abit more and if people dont like it , tough! When your feeling down, you tend to worry what other people may think of you, if you know what i mean ......

[MrBounce]

I have recently gone through a very low period so can relate very much to what you are going through. My wife has some health issues (genetic - I won't go into details here) and I thought I was coping with it quite well up until we went on holiday in September last year. She suffered from panic attacks on the flight out and effectively suffered from anxiety the entire time we were in Orlando, which naturally made things not as good as they could be. I supported her extremely well but when we got back I struggled like hell without realising. I am a naturally positive person but I turned into a miserable cynic who generally didn't give a monkey's.

 

I eventually noticed something wasn't right and involved my Doctor's surgery and work's Occupational health department. I was signed off for 5 weeks and had sessions of psychotherapy, paid for through work. The guy I saw was brilliant; he asked a few leading questions, then let me talk and from that he managed to find the trigger for my low moods. Once I knew what was causing it, I was able to work on it and now have a much more positive outlook on things.

 

The main thing is you have identified that there is a problem. You have been to your Doctor & have also asked for help here. This is a very important and brave step to have taken. There are many people who will sit on their issues because they believe depression and/or anxiety has a "tag" which makes them stand out from the crowd. THIS IS BUNK as we are no longer in the 1970s. I was able to overcome mine because of talking to the right people. Being prescribed a drug can help but I did not want to go down this route; it masks the problem rather than dealing with it. Talk to your friends. If they are anything like mine, they will be there to help and will be sympathetic.

 

Once you can identify the trigger, low moods can be a lot easier to deal with it. Certain thought processes may be able to help here, but it all depends on who you talk to and their methods. if you have not already been put forward for counselling by your Doctor, it may be a good idea to ask them about. the local Health Authority will probably be able to offer a free service (which may take a little time to sort) but they're generally pretty good.

 

If there's anything I can help with, please feel free to drop me a PM. I am more than happy to help

['Chop']

I've struggled for about 25 years now, I was always pretty cheerful and happy as a youngster and at school, but somewhere at 16 or 17, something changed and I begun getting 'down'. 

 

I couldn't tell you exactly what caused it, but I suffer fairly regularly.

 

I guess we all handle these things differently. When I get my 'loweys' , it's often brought on by bouts of stress and I quite often get 'peopled out', where I just have to avoid all contact with people. I don't relish big crowds and seek the solitude of somewhere quiet.

 

On other occasions, I just feel a 'wave' of depression flowing over me. I used to find this REALLY disconcerting as one minute I was fine and the next I'd be falling into an abyss. I've learnt to recognise my symptoms and manage to get myself up after a day or so. I find shutting myself off from the outside world works for me (literally shutting and locking my door and coming out when I feel better) Perhaps this ISN'T the way of dealing with things- it's just the way I find it helps me.

 

Fortunately, many of my friends understand the way I am, and whilst some might offer help or ask me to talk, most of them leave me be to sort myself out.

 

I would say though, that it's probably best to talk to others, whether they be friends, family or even strangers. Sometimes a chat and a cuppa will help and be just enough to lift your spirits. It only takes something small to happen to make the world seem a better place. Dealing with this can be a real problem for most people, but admitting you're suffering is a big step to take. If you need to chat, PM me.

 

Unfortunately when we're suffering, it's SO easy to take it out on those nearest and dearest, so it pays to recognise to know your symptoms and make others aware of how you are feeling. Those that care will try their utmost to help, but only if they know how you are feeling mentally

 

...and on a final note, hang in there, it WILL get better (that's what I always tell myself)

 

Stay strong, Andy

[Davethepioneer]

Sam you know my story and what I've had to deal with, I'm only round the corner, pop round fella for a brew and a chat it makes all the difference to talk and get a different perspective.

[MiniGrin]

I know exactly how your feeling, its not easy at all! There are no generic cures, everyone is different, for me its been talking to someone I love about it and not holding anything back from them, and doing what I love as often as possible which for me is driving my mini on some twisty country roads. I live in bradwell (Derbyshire) about an hours drive away, pm me if you want to chat / meet up for a drink / go out for a drive, I know some cracking roads that are guaranteed to get ya smiling James

[zinzan]

I live it every day, mate.  Know the feeling well.  Some days or moments are good, and it can be hard to predict what sets my mood downhill.  Can be difficult to regroup at times, others are ok.  If Citalopram helps, then go with it (it didn't for me...made me absolutely exhausted all the time).  I've found Wellbutrin seems to be my best bet along with a psychologist, but it's a long haul.  Keep in mind that it takes 6-8 weeks for the medication to stabilize in your system, so you won't likely know if it's making a difference or not for some time yet.  Wish I knew the quick fix, because I'd have used it years ago.  In fact, buying the Mini was supposed to be a fix of sorts...

 

The hardest part of depression, for me, is that you spend so many days feeling utterly lousy and useless.  There are days you wake up exhausted. And it seems that a common, well-intentioned response from others is to try and either brush it off ("Just cheer up!") or try and tell you what you should do or feel.  That makes it even more exhausting.

 

Hang in there.

 

This was a really interesting read this week: http://www.arcticice...n#comment_tease

Edited by zinzan, 02 February 2014 - 04:23 AM.