31 replies to this topic

[1984mini25]

I once had someone ask to help start a car that had been parked up with no tax or mot for 8 months, so it could be moved. When it expectantly didn't turn over with the knackered battery that had ballooned. All I got was abuse that because the battery/car last ran 8 months ago that the battery must be ok. After another hour or so mucking around with jump leads and trying to jump start it with the jump leads getting hot and the battery near to exploding it was at least trying to turn over, just. But adamant that the battery was still ok, despite it being clearly knackered, the owner had already started looking on eBay for a new starter motor.

After finally convincing them that if the starter motor was knackered, how would it be turning over the engine and that it was the battery. It was then suggested that I removed the working few weeks old battery from my own car I'd turned up in, fit it in place of the knackered one then drive it (with no tax, mot or insurance) to its new home 5 miles away for £20 for my new battery. Then for me to call a taxi to take me to Halfords to buy myself a new battery, to then take back and refit to my own car so I could drive off home.

You can guess my response along the lines of where to go and shove that idea.

[Van13]

I told a customer that her boiler was unsafe and parts obsolete so i condemed it

Her reply was " cant be its only 30 years old "

[1984mini25]

Anther one... "can you fix my fuel tank, its got a leak and heard you can get some putty stuff to fix it".

Me, "ok where it's leaking from?" 

"it only leaks when filled over half a tank"

Me, "yes, but where exactly is it leaking from? as if it rotten or full of holes a new tanks only £40 and not worth fixing"

"but it only leaks when the tanks full"

Me, "yes but wear from exactly?"

"your not ******* hearing me right, it only leaks when the tanks full"

Me, "So is there any fuel in the tank?"

"No, it's not leaking"

[deanymini]

'Does the ruler start from zero or one'

To be fair, my 'customers' are in fact students aged 14+

[Richie83]

Not car related but back in my retail days. I'd sold a printer to a lady and she left pleased. Hours later she returned complaining it was 'broken because the photo viewer won't stop displaying the default photo'. I lent over the counter and promptly peeled off the acrylic demo photo on the printer screen. She left without saying much more.

Another time a bloke kept coming in and buying mobile phones. We just thought he liked phones a lot (literally every week or so he bought a new phone). He then said, "these phones are a terrible waste, having to throw it away every time the battery runs out'. He was genuinely astonished when I Pointed out the phone came with a charger. What a boss!

[leyland73]

Absolutely love this topic, my dad used to tell me about the time in the mid 1970's when he had taken his Morris Marina (BEA82M)  in for a service and a particularly pompous customer was complaining about the new Triumph Dolomite he was collecting; his complaint was that the wheels were on wrong and were not lined up.  He was annoyed that the hubcaps did not match up and the writing was all facing different ways.  Despite the service engineer explaining that wheels travel at different speeds when turning corners and therefore the hubcaps will all rotate out of alignment the customer insisted that the hubcaps were all taken off and aligned properly.  To ensure the service engineer's comments were not a pack of lies after replacing all the hubcaps to the customer's satisfaction he drove with the customer in the passenger seat out of the Charles Clark showroom in, Chapel Ash, Wolverhampton round the back of the show room, out past the used car lot and the service area in Alexandra street and past Attwoods Vauxhall dealership and back down Merridale Road to the showroom.  All left hand turns.  Needless to say the hubcaps were all out of alignment again and the customer left without a saying anything else!!

[MaxAndPaddy]

Not car related, but back in my days of IT support, called out from an irate user that had LOST ALL OF THEIR FILES

 

they were quite an important professor at the university, so I decided to go over in person. Arrived in his office.

"I HAVE LOST ALL OF MY FILES, THEY ARE ALL GONE", 

me: ok, so where did you save them.....

VIP professor, "ON THAT DISK, I CANT FIND THEM, THERE GONE"

me: that disk there,, the one of the top of the disk drive?"

VIP: YES

[puts disk in drive]

VIP: oh, there back......

 

Also got called out to a user who could't get their mouse to work because they were pointing it at the screen and trying to use it like a remote control...I'd like to think this  is were the original idea for Nintendo Wii came from but back then we referred to it as an IA fault "Idiot Attached"

[welldc]

Went to a breakdown on the motorway, an oldish Fiesta.

 

'It made a noise and stopped' said the young man.

 

Popped the bonnet and it smelt hot. looked underneath and fished out most of a con rod which was lying on the floor.

 

This should be inside your engine, I told him.

'Is it serious or will I be able to drive it home?' he asked 

 

Had to smile.

[1984mini25]

Anther one... "you know that master cylinder you replaced on my mini 6 months ago, I've just paid my mechanic friend (who's a plummer by trade) £600 to replace the front disks and pads and fit braided hoses as according to him, because you didn't bleed them properly the disks were warped and rusty"

 

Me, "£600, that's a bit ******* steep, you do know a set of disks and pads are only £30"

"but these are genuine disks and pads not cheap crap"

Me, "plus if the brakes weren't working how are the disks warped? you seamed happy enough when they were being bled up and the test drive after. Are you sure it could just be that the disks and pads are old and from the lack of use?"

 

 

And another from the same bloke..."What do you think the welding I've just paid said mate £400 for?"

 

Me, " what you mean that quarter of an oversill that been tacked on over the top of a rotten over sill?"

"it's not an oversill, it's a proper sill"

Me, "its not, and that welding would fail an mot, its not even been sealed"

"it doesn't need to be seam welded, as it a replacement panel"

Me, "but its not a replacement panel, its an oversill that been cut up and just tacked welded"

... "what do you think to the rear valance he also replaced?"

Me, " what the one that's been tacked on over to top of the remains of the old one? and where the closing panels gone?"

"my mate recons you don't need then, they are just rust traps and rot the rear valance out"

Me, "but they are part of the structure for the rear subframe mounts."...

[mini stephen]

Not a car one but I once got a phone call from one of the guys I worked with he was stuck on a lift for over an hour he coulda work out why their was only power at 1 side of the main fuse he was supposed to be a spark lol

[1984mini25]

Another one... "I've bought some second-hand pistons on eBay to replace the trashed ones so you can rebuild my engine"

 

Me, "ok, but you'll need at least a hone, new rings and bearing shells" 

"what do ya mean, the new pistons already have rings, why do I need new ones?"

Me, "yes but those would have worn to a completely different engine and wont seal properly and burn oil if used in this one"

"I'm not buying/paying for new rings, you can just reuse these ones and then fit new ones if it burns oil"...

[peter-b]

Had an old biddy brought her as new 1970's Holden in with engine buggered. She said It's the second time it had blown up and instead of rebuilding it, could she have a new one. As we all know the customers allways right so an "new" exchange motor was sourced and fitted. Few days later she picked it up and left, only to return 10 minutes later, complaining it was no good, shaking and rattling. As I was the one who did the job, I was summoned to go for a test drive with her. We got in the car and after starting it, she proceeded to put it in top gear, revved the crap out of it and let clutch out. We went off rattling and shaking. I explained she needed to use the other gears to which she asked why, "I've been driving 40 years and haven't had to till now".

A few days later it arrived on a tow truck, smashed to crap, she'd overtaken a truck on the left hand side........ the truck was parked on the side of the road.   

[sledgehammer]

Had a neighbour who complained of low power on a marina pickup (rare car now) - (may have been Ital pickup)

 

I sat in passenger seat , he started off in first - then changed at 1000 rpm to next gear

 

car was bogging down - finally got to 1000 rpm & changed again

 

told him to wait to 2500 rpm before changing

 

problem solved (apparently he had been driving for 40+ years like this , he was used to old diesel's)

 

poor old car was abused some what - used it as a tractor most of the time - across fields , ditches etc

Edited by sledgehammer, 06 December 2015 - 12:59 AM.

[James_eaton_thewholething]

When I used to work in pharmacy

I had an older generation lady probably late 60's come to the counter and ask if we sold erectile dysfunction pumps. As her husband was having lots of trouble getting it up

I don't know how I kept a straight face.

I recently read on Facebook forum for mini's which is mainly full of bini owners that don't seem to know anything.

Guy with the problem: currently have a strange sound coming from the front of the car while driving and getting a vibration through the throttle pedal. Could this be drive shaft or clutch ?

Reply: your car doesn't have drive shafts it has cv shafts so couldn't be that

[jaydee]

LOL cant beat facebook for silly stuff