896 replies to this topic

[Tamworthbay]

Two goldfish in a tank, one says 'how do you drive this thing?'

[The Matt]

Two ants on top of a cereal box. One keeps running flat out along the perforations.

Ant 1 "Why are you running along there?"

Ant 2 "It says TEAR ALONG DOTTED LINE"

[M J W J]

Two fish swim into a wall. DAMM!

[The Matt]

Man walks into pet shop and approaches owner.

"Do you sell wasps?"

"No sir. We're a PET shop!"

"But you've got two in the window!"


I know. I know. Not really a pun...

[Tamworthbay]

Man walks into pet shop and approaches owner.
"Do you sell wasps?"
"No sir. We're a PET shop!"
"But you've got two in the window!"
I know. I know. Not really a pun...

in that case I will do one of my favourites:

Man walks into a library and says 'CAN I HAVE FISH AND CHIPS PLEASE'. The librarian tells him its a library, he replies':whisper: sorry, can I have fish and chips please'

[M J W J]

I first realise I was dyslexic when I turned up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

[Tamworthbay]

I first realise I was dyslexic when I turned up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Let's not mention dyslexia, it's not funny. My mate with dyslexia nearly choked to death on his own vimto.

[M J W J]

 

I first realise I was dyslexic when I turned up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Let's not mention dyslexia, it's not funny. My mate with dyslexia nearly choked to death on his own vimto.

 

 

My mate Hugh who was (he's dead unfortunately) dyslexic is the one that told me the toga joke. He didn't get it though so we had to explain it to him.

 

I've put this up before but I think its relevant.

 

Do you think my new girl friend will like the mixed tape I got her? I hope so as there are a couple of good tracks on there.

[Tamworthbay]

I first realise I was dyslexic when I turned up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Let's not mention dyslexia, it's not funny. My mate with dyslexia nearly choked to death on his own vimto.

 
My mate Hugh who was (he's dead unfortunately) dyslexic is the one that told me the toga joke. He didn't get it though so we had to explain it to him.
 
I've put this up before but I think its relevant.
 
Do you think my new girl friend will like the mixed tape I got her? I hope so as there are a couple of good tracks on there.

my other dyslexic mate was agnostic, dyslexic and an insomniac. He used to lie awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

[Miniminx71]

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a warehouse?

[Ben_O]

I started a new job today at the local civic amenity site.

 

I have to crush down all of the drinks cans. Its 'soda pressing'

[Ben_O]

Been looking for a new car and fancied a pick up truck. Went down to the dealer and had a look at their range all parked side by side.

 

I thought to my self 'best pick up line ever'

[Ben_O]

A police officer on a motorbike rode up beside me and said 'pull over'!!

 

I said no, its a cardigan

[Ben_O]

I love to camp during a storm. Its intents

[Miniminx71]

You: Knock knock.
Them: Who's there?
You: Interrupting starfish.
Them: Interru-
You: (spread out your fingers and quickly grab their face in the middle of their sentence).

 

This is actually really funny when you do it to someone (especially kids) - honest.