616 replies to this topic

[bpirie1000]

Since light travells faster than sound.

People may appear bright, until uou hear them speak...

[bpirie1000]

I got mugged by six dwarfs last night..

Not happy....

[bpirie1000]

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was her or the sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake

[bpirie1000]

My wife says i have 2 major flaws....

1. I don't listen.
2. Something else ...

[Shooter63]

Nice topical one for you.

 

Shooter

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[bpirie1000]

My doctor said i was at risk of death due to high levels of sodium.

I took his advice with a pinch if salt...

[GT Jimmy]

Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea

[Designer]

Hi,

 

I didn't see that one coming

 

 

Paddy

[Shooter63]

Made me smile

 

Shooter

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[GT Jimmy]

I walked past the monastery the other day when I saw a man frying chips, I asked "are you the Friar?"

He said "no, I'm the chip monk!"

[bpirie1000]

Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work....

[Podman]

Be careful if going to Cape Verde on holiday. on the final night they served us Pelican curry. It tasted ok but the bill was enormous!!

[panky]

My wife asked why I was whispering in the house, I said I was worried in case Google was listening.

She laughed.

Siri laughed.

Alexa laughed.

 

​The fridge laughed.

[Shooter63]

I came across this one today, the yoof won't get it.

 

Shooter

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[Podman]

"Doctor, Doctor i feel like a holiday resort in North Wales"

 

"Well i can see that your Rhyl!"