154 replies to this topic

[GT Jimmy]

I just bought a Van Gogh coffee table from Ebay. I know it's genuine, it's got a bit of veneer missing

[GT Jimmy]

I went down to the paint store to get some thinner, it didn't work, I'm still a fat git

[bpirie1000]

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says i'm ok, but i feel like i've dyed a little inside.

[bpirie1000]

Milk is the fastest liquid on earth. It's pasterized before you even see it!

[bpirie1000]

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

[bpirie1000]

"What country's capital is growing the fastest?" "Ireland. Every day it's Dublin."

[bpirie1000]

My new girlfriend wrote “will you marry me?”, on a balloon. 🎈

So I immediately popped the question……

[GT Jimmy]

Daffy Duck and Elma Fudd break into a distillery, Daffy asks Elma "is this whiskey?" Elma replies "yeah it's whiskey, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"

[bpirie1000]

I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills. Those were Goodyears.

[bpirie1000]

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention botox and no one raises an eyebrow.

[bpirie1000]

A spanish magician told everyone he would disappear.

He said" Uno, Dos" then disappeared without a tres...

[bpirie1000]

I got a letter saying the police want to interview me !
I can't remember applying for the job 😕

[bpirie1000]

I've decided to end my relationship with the lady that works at the balloon 🎈 factory 🏭

I'm gonna "let her down gently"

[bpirie1000]

What do you get someone who has everything...

A burglar alarm...

[bpirie1000]

If I go to jail the wife will get me out.

She never lets me finish a sentence!