896 replies to this topic

[DJS911]

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?



Because he's married and his wife told him they were going shopping.

[SecretSugar]

Stevie Wonder's wife bought him a cheese grater for Christmas, he said it was the most violent book he's ever read

[tweeter74]

Steven Hawkins went on a date, he woke up black and blue, with a cut lip and broken glasses...
She stood him up!

[tweeter74]

Sophie ellis bexter has just been found dead in a Copenhagen apartment
Police have said "it's murder on the Danes floor"

[tweeter74]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
...it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

[New game mini]

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy.

[SecretSugar]

[Northernpower]

Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.

[New game mini]

My wife said she was leaving me because she couldn't remember the last time we had sex. I was so shocked that I almost dropped my rohypnol.

[Northernpower]

How did they feed the 5,000 with 2 loaves and 5 fishes?

 

 

 

 

 

They called it tapas.

[DJS911]

Willie Nelson. A great singer and an even more impressive wrestling hold.


It's cute how my fellow workers think that putting names tags on their lunch will stop me stealing it from the fridge.
This guy Anthrax Sample is going to be disappointed today.

[New game mini]

Saw my midget neighbour at the bus stop this morning so I stopped and said 'hop in ill give you a lift'

'get stuffed!' he shouted angrily.

So I zipped my back pack back up and carried on walking.

[xrocketengineer]

The US presidential elections are a mess. I don't know whom to vote for. My wife says that if Trump wins, she will leave the country....hmm, that's a thought.

[DJS911]

Coffee can make some people really aggressive.
Last night I had 10 pints down the pub whilst my wife stayed at home and had two coffees.
You should have heard her shouting when I got home!

[DJS911]

Well it's that time of the year when the big fatty with the beard comes round to the house to drink my whisky and give presents to the kids.

God I hate it when the mother-in-law visits.