896 replies to this topic

[DJS911]

My schizophrenia results in me having delusions that I'm both Adolf Hitler and Winston Churchill.

I'm my own worse enemy really.

[DJS911]

The curse of being a Welshman!
My girlfriend asked me how many sexual partners I'd had before her.
I started to count but fell asleep.

[DJS911]

My wife came back from town with Katie Price and Kerry Katona.

I said "You deaf bugger, I asked you to get me a pair of slippers"

[New game mini]

What was Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYEEEEE

[DJS911]

I was sat in my car at the traffic lights yesterday and an ice cream van drove into the back of me.

I think I've got Mr Whippylash.

[SecretSugar]

Okay, Okay...I know it's cheesy but I feel grate! 

 

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner.One says " Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The other replies, "No but I've been swung around  by the boobs"

 

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary *******.

 

How do you kill a circus clown? Go for the juggler...

 

What did the elephant say to the naked man? That's cute but can you breathe through it!

 

If firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

 

[mini93]

In life, no matter how kind you are, German children will always be Kinder

[M J W J]

Did you hear about the Spanish fire fighter who had two sons?

 

He called one Jose and the other Hose B.

[SecretSugar]

What do you call an artist with a brown finger? piccasshole

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs

[SecretSugar]

 

 

Need I say more? 

Edited by SecretSugar, 12 June 2016 - 08:13 AM.

[DJS911]

"OK - I've followed your advice and shot Donald & poisoned Ivana."

"You idiot - when I said Top Trumps I meant the card game!"



Doctor: "Don't be embarrassed - it's quite normal to take the trousers off for a prostate examination."

Me: "Err..... OK but should I take mine off as well?"

[DJS911]

Angela Merkel arrives at Athens airport.
Immigration guy: "Nationality?"
Merkel: "German"
Immigration guy: "Occupation?"
Merkel: "No, just a holiday".



Midge Ure has a brother called Horseman.
He does smell a bit.

[DJS911]

My pencil isn't prone to making Freudian slips.
But my penis.

[Ben_O]

you'd think by now that they would just call it Zealand

[M J W J]

you'd think by now that they would just call it Zealand

 

and York and Jersey.

 

Oh wait. Hang on a second...