497 replies to this topic

[bpirie1000]

My mate works in a pub and likes to dress up as Mother Theresa.

It’s the best fancy dress costume I’ve ever seen, bar nun.

[bpirie1000]

I’ve done a survey on how people walk home from the pub.

The results are staggering...

[bpirie1000]

When I was young, I was adopted by a man called Daz.

He’s my non-biological father

[bpirie1000]

I asked my Dad what it was like learning Braille, but he didn’t want to tell me.

I didn’t realize it was such a touchy subject

[bpirie1000]

The police suspected that my daughter accidentally burnt our house down.

But it was arson

[bpirie1000]

Yesterday, I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps

[bpirie1000]

I saw a man walking down the road with a sign under his arm that read, “& Emergency”.

“Where did you get that from?” I asked.

He said “I found it by Accident.”

[bpirie1000]

Having regained consciousness after a car accident, the doctor is trying to convince me that I am actually a Swedish guy and I have lost my memory.

Does he think I was Bjorn yesterday?

[bpirie1000]

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him.

To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him....

[bpirie1000]

My daughter had a horrible peek-a-boo accident.

Now she’s in the I.C.U.

[panky]

Did you know that actor Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool FC supporter? And that he never used aftershave in his life.

That's right........ Yul never wore cologne

 

 

 

I'll get me coat.

[bpirie1000]

Doctor: Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.

Me: Thanks for reminding me

[GT Jimmy]

I've been watching a lot of ladies golf recently and realised it's just like real life. They're rubbish at driving but great with an iron (he says retreating to the safety of the man cave lol)

[panky]

There was an incident on the M62 this morning when a Vicks Vapour Rub delivery truck overturned. Remarkably no congestion has been reported

[Designer]

I've been watching a lot of ladies golf recently and realised it's just like real life. They're rubbish at driving but great with an iron (he says retreating to the safety of the man cave lol)

Hi,

 

I didn't click out quick enough and the Managing Director of Domestic Affairs read the above "pass that on in a posting" she said.

I hope the bruise has gone by the 4th October when I get my Flu and Covid jabs. 

 

Thanks GT Jimmy   

 

Paddy