896 replies to this topic

[SecretSugar]

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.


Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy


Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

[Tamworthbay]

The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.

I used to know a guy with no arms or legs who could use a door knocker, he was a right clever dick.

[DJS911]

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a roadworker.
Sadly though, when I got home all the signs were there.

[New game mini]

Make the small things count.

Teach maths to midgets.

[New game mini]

What kind of overalls does super Mario wear?

Denim denum denim.

(Took me an embarrassing amount of time to get that when I heard it)

[SecretSugar]

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it let out a little w(h)ine.

A boy swallowed some coins and was rushed to hospital. When his mum rung up to ask how he was doing, the nurse said "no change yet"

Other day I opened the door for a clown, I thought it was a nice jester.

I ttust glue salesmen, they always stick to their word

[Tamworthbay]

The chemist sold me pritt stick instead of lip balm, but I can't complain.

[Tamworthbay]

Some git has ripped the front and back off my dictionary, it goes from bad to worse.

[Tamworthbay]

I left my car in the middle of the road in town today, someone left a nice note on the window to say the parkings fine which is odd as I thought it was crap.

[Miniman1987]

You can't run through a campsite, you can only ran because it's 'past tents'

[New game mini]

I was just talking to my friend about guardians of the galaxy and mentioned Chris Pratt. My friend sighed and said 'I know parents can be cruel, but naming a child after a fried rodent' 😂😂

[Tamworthbay]

I was just talking to my friend about guardians of the galaxy and mentioned Chris Pratt. My friend sighed and said 'I know parents can be cruel, but naming a child after a fried rodent'

I once met someone called Dwayne Pipes, and that isn't a joke. Life can be very cruel.

[DJS911]

As I walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death it made me realise how crap Google maps is sometime.

[DJS911]

"I think it's going to rain, all the cows are lying down".

"You've never worked before in an abbatoir have you?"

[DJS911]

Some guy has just dug a huge hole to trap donkeys in.

What a massive ass hole.