896 replies to this topic

[Ben_O]

I have just been out and bought a crowbar

 

The birds in the garden love it

[Tamworthbay]

Christmas stuff has been banned in our house, I blame elf and safety.

[1984mini25]

He laid her down on the table.

So naked, clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide... He looked inside.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms......


And then he stuffed the turkey.

[DJS911]

"I've just injected steroids into my arm"

"Anabolic?"

"No, just my arm"

[Tamworthbay]

Brummie goes into a chemists for deoderant, the assistant asks him 'ball or aerosol', brummie replies 'it's for me armpits actually'

[DJS911]

"I've just seen a couple having sex on the common"
"Clapham?"
"Nah, I've seen better"

[DJS911]

Say what you like about Donald Trump, I'd take him out for a drink.
Most other hitmen would charge at least 10k.

[New game mini]

I saw a poor old lady fall down today on some ice. I'm assuming she was poor anyway as there was only £1.20 in her purse.

[Tamworthbay]

True one here for you, after asking a lad why nuts were in the meat food group (hoping he would know it's because they have lots of protein) he replied 'all animals have nuts but I wouldn't eat them'.

[xrocketengineer]

I sold my car for parts. It is departed now.

[xrocketengineer]

http://www.shoecomic...daily012216.jpg

 

 

[Tamworthbay]

I was with a Welsh lass who said she would only sleep with me if I spoke Welsh, so I said lay down and Prestatyn

[DJS911]

My wife wanted to go home and listen to a Monkees album but I ordered another pint.
Then I saw her face. Now I'm a beer leaver.

[DJS911]

The first time I had olive oil I ended up in hospital.
That Popeye is a really violent man.

[DJS911]

A Chinese man went into a bank and asked to change some Yen to Sterling.
After receiving his money he said "How come I come here yesterday with same amount of Yen but get less Sterling today?"
The bank clerk answered "Fluctuations"
The Chinese guy responded "Fluck you British too"