896 replies to this topic

[M J W J]

A Chinese man went into a bank and asked to change some Yen to Sterling.
After receiving his money he said "How come I come here yesterday with same amount of Yen but get less Sterling today?"
The bank clerk answered "Fluctuations"
The Chinese guy responded "Fluck you British too"

 

I'm guessing the Chinese man was more p***ed off that he was mistaken for a Japanese person. Japan's currency is the Yen. China's is the Yuan (often represented by the letters Rmb).

[DJS911]

Apparently they don't show episodes of The Flinstones in Dubai.

But Abu Dhabi do.

[Juju]

The chap who invented predictive text died last week.

 

His funfair is next monkey.

[xrocketengineer]

My wife had suffered from migraines for years. When a doctor finally decided to perform an MRI of her head, she was all concerned. She was convinced that they would find brain cancer and that was her next all consuming theme. Finally, she got the scan done and it was negative. So, then she proudly  stated - "You see, they found nothing in there."  And I told her - "I could have told you that for free."  

[Magneto]

A three legged dog walked into a bar and said "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"

[Magneto]

A termite walked into a bar and said "Where's the bar tender?"

[New game mini]

My girlfriends father is really religious so we're not allowed to sleep together. It's a real shame though because he's super good looking.

[xrocketengineer]

Hazelnuts........I always wondered if Hazel was actually a guy.......

[M J W J]

Hazelnuts........I always wondered if Hazel was actually a guy.......

 

No joke, there was a girl in my year at school called Hazel and she had a nut allergy.

[xrocketengineer]

My car was taken over by evil spirits. It had to be exorcised. A short while later the spirits took it over again. It was repossessed.

[DJS911]

My Dad always used to say "Take people as you find them".
To be fair though he was a freelance kidnapper.

[DJS911]

Superman could have become a Doctor and used his x-ray vision to detect life-threatening tumours.

But oh no, what we really needed was another f*cking journalist.

[mini93]

I dont think i'll ever have a stable job. I'm just not that comfortable around horses.

[New game mini]

Dogs can't operate MRI machines. Catscan

[Juju]

It's hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac, because they always take things literally.