896 replies to this topic

[New game mini]

Just got arrested in B&Q. Some muppet in an orange apron come up to asking if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in.

I hate predictive text. Just text my nan asking for 'sex tomorrow' when really I meant 'today'

[Tamworthbay]

Dogs can't do MRI's but cats can

[DJS911]

Our local Citroen garage has got a vacancy for a mechanic.
To be sure of an interview I sent in 2 CVs.

[SecretSugar]

A guy tried selling me a coffin today... I told him it was the last thing I need.

What do you all a snobby criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending

What's the difference between a wolf and a flea? One howls on the Prairie and other prowls on the hairy.

Edited by SecretSugar, 18 April 2016 - 10:23 PM.

[SecretSugar]

My mate has a vegetarian girlfriend... I've never met herbivore

[DJS911]

Daddy Bear: "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!"

Mummy Bear: "Well it wouldn't be the first time"

Daddy Bear: "That was three years ago, can't you let it go yet?"

[DJS911]

Most of us enjoy a good Spoonerism joke.
The one exception appears to be my next door neighbour, Mr Figpucker.

[DJS911]

Human rights are over-rated.
They don't have any in North Korea and you never hear them complaining.

[Scousemouse]

not a pun but....Posted last month ..told was in wrong place?

MINI WITH AIRBAGS  redneckairbagsuv9.jpg   96.24K   6 downloads

[SecretSugar]

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.

[SecretSugar]

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

I'm trying to finish writing a script for a porn film, but there are just too many holes in the plot.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

My friend always said to me that beauty is in the eye of the beerholder

[MarkyRich]

Did you here about he guy who had his whole left side cut off?? He's all right now.

[MarkyRich]

I used to be a banker but i lost interest.

[New game mini]

Some guy just said he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.

Was that a fret?

[1984mini25]

I'd love to agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.