498 replies to this topic

[GT Jimmy]

I had a nightmare last night that I'd turned into a muffler. I woke up exhausted

[bpirie1000]

I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, “Yes, I’ve got a dog.”

She asked, “Would you like to insure him too?”

I said, “No thanks, he can’t drive!”

[bpirie1000]

It’s probably not safe for me to be driving my car right now.

But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.

[bpirie1000]

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my car.

I didn’t know what to make of it.

[bpirie1000]

I was so worried the mechanic would rip me off because I confessed I knew nothing about cars…

Imagine my relief when he said I only needed indicator fluid.

[bpirie1000]

My car failed it’s emissions test today….

Fuming!

[bpirie1000]

Took my car in for a service yesterday…

The vicar at the church was not impressed…

[bpirie1000]

Engineers have successfully made a car that can run on parsley.

They are now attempting to make trains that can run on thyme…

[bpirie1000]

I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent.

It goes without saying…

[bpirie1000]

Quite difficult to get a job at Citroen.

Had to send them 2 CVs.

[bpirie1000]

If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?

U r a bus.

[bpirie1000]

I’m looking for a book on how to fix automatic gearboxes, but the library only has manuals

[bpirie1000]

I have a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m sexy”…

When I’m feeling down, I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.

[bpirie1000]

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden.

But how am I supposed to know when it’s raining in Sweden

[bpirie1000]

I used to date a girl who loved to be covered in cheese.

She was a cracker