497 replies to this topic

[Shooter63]

This one's a killer

 

Shooter

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[Podman]

My colleague came hobbling into work and i asked if he was ok.

He said "I was helping put one of those fancy glamping tents up, in the pub garden"

I asked "a yurt?"

"yeah" he said, "my back's killing me!!"

[GT Jimmy]

Growing up I only had one auntie, fondly known as auntie Clit, only years later did I discover her real name was Joy Button

[Shooter63]

This was posted by Dom Jolly, pretty decent

Shooter

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[Rubbershorts]

A friend of mine was having 'issues' and was advised by his doctor to ejaculate into a provided jar 4 times a day until it was full. He returned to the surgery a short while after and the doctor asked to see the results. He placed a jar on the table only for the doctor to say that was quick, and that's not what I requested, that's a jar of beetroot. I know it is, he said, I've been doing as you asked and now I can't feel my arm, could you open it for me?

[Podman]

A penguin's car breaks down in the middle of a hot summer day, so he brings it to the walrus at the repair shop.

The walrus says he will take a look, but it'll take some time to diagnose the issue.

The penguin decides to for a short walk, and buys himself a 99. He finished his last few licks right as he makes it back to the shop.

The walrus says, "looks like you blew a seal".

The penguin repliess, "what? no, that's just ice cream"

 

[GT Jimmy]

I'm writing this from my hospital bed, the doctor says I will make a full recovery. Dyson ball cleaners have a very misleading name!!

[GT Jimmy]

Me and the wife are having lessons as carpenters, we're not very good but "we've only just begun"

[Shooter63]

Made me smile in an inoffensive way

 

Shooter

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[bpirie1000]

When my wife is sad, I let her color in my tattoos.

Turns out, she just needs a shoulder to crayon

[bpirie1000]

Scientists have discovered the world's largest bed sheet.

More on this story as it unfolds.

[bpirie1000]

Boss said he'll fire the employee with the worst posture.

I've a hunch it might be me.

[bpirie1000]

No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane,

the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy

[bpirie1000]

Did you know in King Arthur's time, one of the knights of the round table collected taxes?

His name was Sir Charge

[bpirie1000]

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A private tutor